Needing Some Help...

Like last blog said, I am in a bit of pain. It hasn't gotten better and I am really hating the crutches still. I am not going to rant about it today though. I am dealing with it and I literally have the best boyfriend in the entire world. So instead of ranting about how awful life is at the moment because I know it will get better after time.

The boy however has been wonderful! He holds my hand and comforts me when I am crying from the pain. He has been waking up in the middle of the night to take care of me and help me go to the bathroom (I know it sounds kinda weird, but you try walking on crutches in the middle of the night half asleep lol) He has literally taken place for my left leg and I don't know what I would be doing without him.

Now the dieting, I am trying to keep track and focus on it still (if we are being honest though it has been put on the back burner a little bit) but this drinking water business is hard! Its hard because like I said before it really hard to get up and go to the bathroom. Work was the "easy" place to drink most of the water but that bathroom is even further then the one at home. It takes me about ten minutes to crutch to the bathroom and ten back. Now, when you are at work that is a long time to be away from your desk. I am going to keep working on it.

Good luck! Hope everyone's week is going better than mine.

Well This Sucks...

I am realizing more every time I post it is more for me than for anyone. So this is my little rant... THIS SUCKS!!! I can't do anything anymore, I just lay here and lay here and lay here. Before I would have given anything for a weekend to do nothing, but once that wish is granted it sucks. I know I should probably thesaurus another word for sucks but that is the only word that describes how I feel right now.

I can finally bend my leg a little bit, but then its a little bit stuck. I can't put it straight like at all without some serious pain. All I can do is walk on my stupid crutches and lay here with it elevated. I am getting bruises on my palms and arm pits from the stupid crutches, and little sores on my leg from the leg brace. Ok, I am gonna hop off this pity train, sorry about the rant.

I weigh in tomorrow and I know its not going to be exactly what I want to see, and honestly I am hoping I can get on the scale. I haven't quite figured out how I am going to step up on it without the crutches, but I will figure it out.

Good Luck on a new week!

A Bit of BAD News

So 2 months ago I slipped and fell. I felt my leg bend the wrong way to the side and it hurt REAL bad! The Dr. told me to give it a week and if it didn't feel better we would take an MRI. It did feel better, and I thought great that means it wasn't that bad! So I stopped wearing the brace and everything was fine, until yesterday. Getting out of the car last night I felt something pop out again, I was obviously getting out of the car so all of my weight was on that one leg. I ended up falling onto the driveway and as I landed I felt my knee pop back into place. But I was stuck in the driveway :( and can't move my leg or put any pressure on it.
My mom was talking to me / calming me down last night and she said well at least your taking the right steps to lose weight so it will be easier on my knees. Then I started to cry more because I know that I can't work out at all until my leg heals :(
Anyways, I went to the dr. today and we took more x-rays, I found out that I dislocated my kneecap and sprained my collateral ligament. I basically have to wear my leg brace for two weeks, which means I can't move it, I also have to be on stupid crutches for those 2 weeks. Then a follow up visit is going to be with an orthopedic doctor, so hopefully this doesn't happen EVER again!

I will try and keep truckin' and try to keep a really close eye on my calorie intake and drinking all of my water.

Workin On It...

Well the week of blogging about my journey may be helping... it is keeping me kinda focused. I weighed in today and lost another 2 pounds. That makes my total so far 7 pounds. Now after 4 weeks I feel like I should notice a difference or feel a difference, but I don't. I wish I did though.

So onto a new week, and I think this week is going to be equally hard being 4th of July and all. I am going to try to stay focused, but it is a holiday so I am not going to be a crazy person. I don't want to start denying myself things that I enjoy, I have been there done that and it failed.

I don't have very much to say today, but maybe more after the holiday! :) Happy 4th Everyone!

Shopping

Well its been a long day! We went grocery shopping today. So I sat down with all the ads (well sat down at my computer with their ads open lol) I made a list, a hopefully healthy list, and we hit Walmart (no food there but we had to get some stuff) and then off to Safeway and then King Soopers. Man shopping healthy and on a budget is hard sometimes, and includes going to a million stores (OK, only a couple but it felt like a million) and I still have the Sunflower Market to go to tomorrow which I am kinda excited about because it is all produce!

I haven't done very well on water today but I am drinking some now and still have some of the night left. :) On to more and better days... I have to remember that this is a process and I won't be able to break every bad habit I have acquired throughout the years in one week or even a couple weeks.

Baby Steps

Well I drank all my water yesterday... it came down to the last minute tho. :) And I took the stairs all day at work yesterday. (that's 3x up 3 flights of stairs and 3x down 4 flights of stairs) the only bummer with the stairs is that my floor is a "secured floor" so the stair doors to get onto my floor is ALWAYS locked so I have to get off on the 3rd floor and take the elevator up to the 4th... bummer! One thing I don't know however is how beneficial walking down stairs is. I guess its moving and way more productive then the elevator so I will keep doing it.

I also did my Zumba workout last night. The boy bought the Kinect Xbox version for me at the beginning of the year and I did it off and on before but I am going to stick to it this time :) Man do I sweat like a pig while doing it though. The only "problem" I am having is that I don't feel sore afterwards. Like immediately after I am burnt out and a little tight but I stretch it out and don't feel anything in the morning. Maybe its just me but I like the muscle soreness the next day.

So since I wasn't sore I woke up and ate my breakfast (Greek yogurt and a slice of toast) drank some water and did Zumba again for today's workout. Now today, while I was working out it was hurting... lol I could feel every muscle in my body trying to work, so I pushed through it and finished. :) So, this week has been going pretty good I would say. It is just sticking with it that is going to be the hard part.

P.S. I love the "cool down" dance at the end of the Zumba classes, you are still moving the whole time and stretching but it feels so good!

H20

OK. My goal this week has been to drink all my water. My problem is that everyone tells you that you need to drink a different amount! So I stuck with the 8 glasses at least until I got used to drinking that much water.

Now lets be real... drinking water is kinda hard but not really. The part you have to get used to is having to get up and pee every 30 mins, at least I do. Maybe I have a bladder of a 2 year old, but this is going to take some getting used to!

I did find an article on SparkPeople about tips to help you drink the water. Hope this will help anyone that might be reading this!

A couple of the tips that I am using are:

3. Sip Up: (using a water bottle with a straw or some straws in a cup to help you sip on water) I have the super cool Camelbak water bottle that has the straw inside, and sometimes I do get distracted biting down on the mouth piece and drink the whole bottle! So I definitely suggest using this trick!

5. Drink water and drive: (keep your water bottle next to you when drive so its always there and easy for you to drink) :) My water bottle is always with me its just remembering to drink it thats my problem.

9. Pace yourself
Holding (and drinking from) a cup of water will help you pace yourself at social events, parties and dinners that offer tempting food and drink. Try drinking a cup of water between bites of the calorie abomination you're faced with. It is hard to eat an entire piece of cake if you have to drink a glass of water between every single bite! To keep the wine, beer, or liquor from ruining your calorie count, drink a cup of water for every glass of alcohol you consume. (I’m a wine drinker, so I fill up my wine glass with water every time I empty it of wine.) Not only does this help to limit your consumption, but it helps counteract alcohol’s dehydrating effects. And when you have a glass in hand—no matter what's in it—you won't be bombarded with more drink offers in the meantime.


I haven't really tried 9 yet but with the 4th of July coming up it seems like the perfect time to try it! 


So my final thought for right now is...


WATER! WATER! WATER! 

Keep on Truckin'

I weighed in like I promised that I would. It wasn't fun... I have this scale that I tap with my toe to turn it on and then it goes to 0.0 and I have to step on it. It thinks and thinks and thinks and then BAM my weight pops up on the little screen. 271.4 and thats EXACTLY what it was last week. Which is good I guess... kinda disappointing that three weeks into my "diet" aka lifestyle change there was no change in
my weight. BUT it didn't change and that makes it a little easier and makes me feel a little better.

Starting... The Hardest Part!

Ok, lets be real, and I think the hardest part is going to be "getting real" with myself. I have been a "bigger"girl my entire life... It always seemed like my friends were always smaller then me. Now... I am more then just a "bigger" girl, I am FAT. Going to the doctor is hard, going shopping and buying bigger sizes of clothes every time is hard, looking at family photos is HARD, everything about being fat and knowing that I am is hard.

I don't know when it hit me, probably a long time ago, but I was living in denial. I think that is my biggest struggle is that I lived "big" for so long that I have like fat goggles. You know how there are beer goggles that make people look better, well my "fat goggles" make me look skinnier every morning. Somehow, the goggles always seem to disappear as soon as I leave the house. I avoid REALLY looking at myself in the mirror, because I don't want to see the fat form that is myself. I want to just stay in my little bubble where I can be naive and pretend that I am not fat.

Well that bubble BURST! Recently my aunt died, and it kind of crashed my world. I ate and ate and ate! I found out that I am NOT one of those girls that will stop eating and lose a bunch of weight when I get sad, but I am that girl that will eat all of my emotions away and gain a whole bunch of weight. With that said, we had to travel to texas to go to the funeral. My family loaded up and got on the plane to fly down there, all settled in our seats, I went to buckle myself in and for the first time EVER the sides just would not reach. Now my heart broke, my stomach sunk, and all I really wanted to do was cry. Not know what to do, I looked around the airplane and across the aisle at my parents and my brother who were buckled and settled into their seats. Panic hit, now I am not the worst flyer, but I do want that seatbelt just for my peace of mind. WHAT DO I DO???? I look up a couple aisles and see another large man, he was asking for a seatbelt extension. (I did not even know things like that existed until right then) So I very quietly ask the flight attendant for an extension. She brought it to me and the rest of the flight went very smoothly. While in Texas, there was food EVERYWHERE! Now I am talking the ultimate comfort food at your fingertips all day for 3 days straight. So I ate, and ate, and ate, and drank, and ate. We ended up taking some pictures of the whole family, because it is so rare  that all (now) 5 of my dads siblings are all in the same place. Somehow with all of my skinny cousins and family members I ended up in the front somehow. Needless to say, I HATE every single one of them. my HUGE belly is hanging out just chillin' in every single one. Then just like the flight there on the way back I had to once again ask for an extension for my seat belt. (at least this time I knew they existed this time, so not nearly as much panic)

Ok, I am ending this pity party.

A little more then a year ago I met the love of my life (further referred to as the boy). He makes me so very happy and is truly supportive of everything that I want to do. (so far it has been, extreme couponing, sewing, crafting, tackling my jungle of a back yard, and that is just a couple of the projects I have attempted so far) He also loves me, with the huge belly, the back rolls, and fat jiggly arms. He also supports me in this journey which means the world to me. :)

So I have "dieted" FOR-EV-ER! So I guess I have been aware that I am fat for a long time. The weight watchers, counting calories, taking stupid pills, working out, a personal trainer. I HAVE TRIED IT! It always works (well besides the stupid pills those never work) and then I just stop. Lose 5 pounds, stop watching what I am eating and working out, gain 10 pounds. That has been my life for WAY to long now. So here is the Cold Honest Truth.

I started this journey weighing 276 pounds. I haven't measured myself yet. I know that I need to but I am scared. Now I did start doing this 3 weeks ago. The first week I had lost 3 pounds, last week I had lost 2 more pounds. That made my total 271 pounds.

I was suppose to weigh in yesterday, I pushed it off until today, and I once again pushed it off today. I don't know why I am so scared to do this weigh in. Really I do, I was on "vacation" last week. Really I was just a week I didn't have to go to work, and got to be lazy at the house all week long. Of course that meant that I ate a whole lot of junk food all week long... So tomorrow it is! I promise to you, and more so myself that I will weigh in tomorrow.

Consider this as your forewarning...

My plan with this blog is to get my feelings out and written while embark on this journey and live style change. I don't really expect people to read this... if you do and get something from it GREAT! if not then thats fine too... I am going to be very honest... and maybe sometimes to personal... (I have actually thought about just making this private, but I know I am not the only person going through these changes)